This post was first seen and written for my friend Emily's blog, Finding Inner Awesome. She asked me to write a post about our infertility journey & this is what came out. I would highly recommend visiting her blog, Finding Inner Awesome.
Hi! I'm Sadie.
I got married to my very best friend, Parker, in January of 2016. We met in 2013 on our LDS Missions in St. Louis, Missouri (where we also met Emily!). We parted ways after our missions & didn't meet up again until about a year after I got home from my mission and then we were basically inseparable after that. Parker goes to school full-time online through UVU and works full-time for a call center for Capital One credit cards in Provo. I run my own Wedding Photography Business. I enjoy baking pies, blogging, being with family, and going on cool adventures!
Like I said earlier, we got married in January of 2016. At the end of March 2016 we decided that we wanted our little family to grow, so we started trying to have a baby. I didn't expect to get pregnant right away, but I hoped that it would only take us a few months. After about four months of trying, I started to get worried because my family has a history of infertility. Everything I read online said not to worry until you've been trying for at least 12 months. I'll let you in on a little secret: that's way easier said than done. Since my family's medical history involves both PCOS and Endometriosis, I set up a doctor appointment after trying for about six months. At that appointment we were told to keep trying and come back after it had been a year. I was completely embarrassed and felt dumb for even going to the doctor. I felt broken, hopeless, and disappointed. But we kept trying. We took at home ovulation tests, took more pregnancy tests, and the results always came back the same as before: negative.
We finally hit the 12 Month mark of trying and have begun the process of working towards infertility treatments. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.
Honestly, I don't feel like there is any sort of happy resolve to this experience yet, but as soon as Emily asked me to write about infertility and how it betters me as a person, this quote from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk, "Come What May and Love It," came to my mind:
"How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."
Each day is a new day and I honestly don't know at the start of each day how I will be able to respond to questions, comments, and my friends' pregnancy announcements. But we try to take everything one day at a time and we try to allow ourselves to feel every emotion that comes with this experience. Anger, sadness, hope, fear, excitement, love, disappointment, peace, all of the emotions. We pray a lot. I cry a lot. We make a ton of stupid jokes. We travel. We work. Parker goes to school. We keep ourselves busy and we try our best to come closer to one another and to our Savior and Heavenly Father.
Because of this experience I am learning to "Come what may and love it." I am learning to live in the moment and experience emotions and moments as they come. I'm learning that it is possible to be truly happy for people who have what you do desperately want. I have grown closer to Parker and feel SO much love for him. I feel the peace my Heavenly Father has given me throughout this trial. I have become more compassionate and genuine. I have tried to be a better friend. I've learned new talents and improved old ones.
One of the tips that was given to me at the beginning of our infertility journey was "don't wait for a baby to live your life. Hope for a baby to come along in the process, but don't wait for one." I echo that. Keep living your life. Find things that bring you joy through this journey.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions and feelings that come with this experience. Suppressing them doesn't help. Trust me.
Talk to others in similar situations. There is an AMAZING community of women struggling with infertility. They are empowering, empathetic, and kind.
And lastly, seek happiness. For yourself, for others, and most importantly-- for your spouse. This trial is difficult for them too, don't forget that.
Peace is attainable. Joy can be found. Happiness is possible, despite our trials. So chin up buttercup! "Don’t give up... Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it... You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” [Elder Jeffrey R. Holland]
Pictures by Kali Poulsen Photography
First seen on Finding Inner Awesome
To see more post about our infertility journey, go here