well today i was reading a post that i wrote almost exactly a year ago. (you can find it here) at that point in my life i felt like a failure because i wasn't receiving blessings when i thought i should. i wasn't sure what i was supposed to be doing with my life. and things just weren't happening they way i thought they would.
but let's be honest. if things happened the way i thought they should have and when i thought they should have, i would have been married right out of high school.
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| look at me. i was a BABY. (i mean i look pretty similar... but still. baby sadie.) |
but it wasn't God's plan for me.
four days after graduating high school and with no marital prospects in sight, i set my eyes on college. where i would go as soon as i could and then i would be sure to get my MRS degree.
"i'm not married yet??"
one year after graduation and one year of college down and still no MRS degree.
i'm just as confused as you as to why boys weren't FLOCKING to my awkwardness... hah. jk. i know why.
in fact, i had made the decision that i wanted to serve a full-time mission for my church. i was even to the point where i was afraid that i might get married because then i would have to wait until i was older to serve a full-time mission. i looked for loop-hole after loop-hole to be able to go on a mission early. then the beloved age change announcement happened.
God gave me the loop-hole i needed.
while serving as a missionary, i learned many things about myself and about loving others. i often found myself saying that had i got married when i wanted to, i would have been the worst wife ever (now, i'm definitely not in the running for best wife at this moment. i'm still learning how to be good at that) but i definitely learned things as a missionary and also while i was away at college that further prepared me to actually get married.
after completing my 18 month service as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, i stepped back into the real world. aka the dating world. i felt that i was ready and prepared to take the next step in life.
but then a year later, there i was, practically dateless and living at home with my parents-- i wasn't the socialite that i thought i would be.
"I had this vision of how my life was going to go when I was coming home from my mission. It started with a flawless flight home. I would walk off the plane and through the airport like I owned the place. The world would be my stage and people would see a confident, relaxed, mature sister missionary greet her family after eighteen months of being separated. I would shed a few light tears just for effect (also because I'm a cryer), but they would make my eyes look a little bit brighter. My hair would be curled just right to give it that classy looking beach curl. And then I would get released and transition smoothly into the next phase of life."
and you know what? that transition wasn't exactly what i hoped it would be. not even close.
i cried a lot. i whined a lot. i went on a lot of adventures. i prayed every day that i would find someone who was good and right for me to marry.
and then my brother-in-law asked me these questions: "do you have the faith to not get married? can you live with the thought that you might NOT get married?"
it was at that point that i really started living for myself and trying to implement the things about helping others that i learned on my mission.
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| this was the photo from my learning to deal with the contingencies of life post. |
i went to hawaii to visit my best friend.
i went hiking. a lot.
i participated in temple tuesdays with some of my very best friends.
i hiked the subway with some of my family members and one of my best friends.
i was truly happy. i was happy being single. i even liked it a little bit. sure, i also liked the occasional dating rant and pity party. but i really did enjoy being single.
and then it happened. all of a sudden. out of the blue. it happened.
and not only did it happen, but it happened just like i imagined it would: "I would then date casually for a few months before finding my eternal companion and best friend. We would date exclusively for a few months, get engaged and be engaged for roughly two months, and then we would get sealed in the Salt Lake Temple and have a Pinterest perfect wedding reception that evening. And then we would continue to live faithful lives in happy, wedded, family bliss for the rest of eternity."
i wrote that A YEAR AGO.
the day i moved up to provo i had lunch with one of my mission companions. she asked me if i was going to marry parker. (mind you, we had been dating for one week) i didn't want to rush things, so i responded, "oh, i don't know..." she looked at me, took a sip of her coke, and said, "i think you know."
she was right. i did know.
the day we got married, that same mission companion hugged me after parker and i got sealed and said, "you're living your dream!"
she was right again.
girls. guys. singles. marrieds. all of you. blessings come. contingencies happen. but the blessings come. don't be afraid to let God's perfect timing be perfect for you too, because timing really is everything. He knows what He's doing. trust Him.
"Some blessings come soon, some come late, some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." -- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come," October 1999
and dreams do come true.
trust God, and believe in good things to come because it really does all come full circle eventually.
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| photo by Debby Leavitt Photography |