Learning Not to Covet During Infertility

Posted by Sadie Banks on

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We have all heard the commandment, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” But have we applied this commandment to our desire to bear children? What if it said, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ability to conceive” or “Do not covet your neighbor's pregnancy” or “Do not covet your Facebook friend's pregnancy announcement”

The word covet also means desire, greed, jealousy, or envy.

What if we changed the word covet to jealous? “Do not be jealous of your friend's ability to conceive.” “Do not be jealous of your friend's pregnancy.” “Do not be jealous that your friend is announcing their pregnancy on Facebook.”

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How does that change your perception of your friends’ pregnancies? For me, it brought some guilt. I realized that my heart needed some changing. I needed to check my heart and change my tune.

I believe that God has a specific plan for all of His children. I know that each plan is unique and important to God. My path is going to look different than your path. That fact does not make my path better than yours or vice versa. Our paths were created to help both of us become the best versions of ourselves, not to help you become a version of me or me to become a version of you. We each experience difficulties in life. The purpose of these difficulties are not to compare and contrast who is living the harder life. They do not decide who is deserving of blessings and love. They are there to test our faith and help us turn to God.

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One of my favorite scripture verses says, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

My infertility journey broke me. It took me to rock bottom. I never stopped believing in God, but I doubted His love, His care, and His willingness to answer my prayers. After years of struggling with faith, I can tell you of the truthfulness of this scripture. God can turn our greatest weaknesses into strengths. He can change our hearts. His grace IS sufficient and His Mercy is unending. But we have to humble ourselves enough to turn to Him. We have to reach out to Him and ask for His help. I can promise you that He will reach your reaching. He will meet you where you are and as you are and He will help you turn your trial into a force for good in your life. He can change your jealousy into love and happiness for your friends.

If you will ask for His help, He will show you the way. It will take effort and work on your part. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it. I promise your life will change for the better as you seek to be less covetous (or jealous) of your fertile friends.

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