after a month of shots, medications, ultrasounds, tests & hope this negative was a little bit harder to swallow.
but you drink the bitter cup & move on right?
start all over at the beginning of the next cycle just to try it all again?
our bank account fluctuates as much as our hope; more depletion than a full bucket.
i come in contact with others, & i just pray over & over that they'll be kind to me because i don't need more negativity towards myself-- i've got that covered.
"we'll just keep trying!" is getting harder & harder to hear.
while the voice inside me says, "maybe you should just give up. you weren't meant to be a mother."
emotions over take me. the tears never stop.
i'm crazy. i'm hard to live with. i'm cranky. i'm turning into the person i always said i didn't want to be.
i call out to God but wonder if He hears me.
i know He hears me, yet i feel so alone.
i've been clinging to the little faith & hope i've got left as i wonder what God's plan for me actually is.
will i ever be a mother?
will i ever hear someone call me mommy?
will the negative tests ever turn positive?
dear sweet friends,
the questions in this poem are rhetorical. the feelings are real & raw & fresh. & i am asking that you do not comment on this post. i am not ready to answer questions or field unintentionally rude comments. please be considerate.
while i still don't really want to talk about this, i do want friends & family to know that i am feeling much, much, much better after a few days. the first day is just always hard. thank you for your love & support.