if you’ve seen any of my posts in the last two weeks, you know that i’m borderline obsessed with the movie, the greatest showman. i connected to SO many of the characters (except jenny lind. hate her) on such a personal level. & i just cried my way through the song this is me. i was with 3 guys, so i had to control my tears. but that song SPOKE to me.
“i wont let them break me down to dust, i know that there’s a place for us... when the sharpest words wanna cut me down— i’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown ‘em out. i am brave, i am bruised, i am who i’m meant to be; this is me. look out ‘cause here i come. and i’m marching on to the beat i drum. i’m not scared to be seen, i make no apologies, this is me.”
this year has been... hard. don’t get me wrong, it has been incredible & wonderful, but with all good things, there are hard things.
a few months ago, a close friend of mine shared some of her opinions of me with me. they weren’t the kindest opinions i’ve ever heard. & they caused me to do some serious soul searching in every aspect of my life, especially my intentions. i began to hesitate & question every choice that was placed before me, fearing what people would think.
“when the sharpest words wanna cut me down, i’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out.”
as the months have passed since that conversation, i’ve slowly begun to regain confidence in myself & my intentions. it honestly doesn’t matter if nobody reads my blog, follows me on instagram, hires me to be their photographer. but those things make ME happy. i truly enjoy writing, scrolling through instagram & photographing happy people. i feel fulfilled when i can do those things. (instagram may be insignificant & stupid to you, but i enjoy it)
“i am brave, i am bruised, i am who i’m meant to be; this is me.”
it wasn’t until about 8 months ago when i realized that i ACTUALLY COULD make a life doing the things i truly enjoy. even if i don’t take the road someone else took. i dropped out of college a year ago & i’ve been able to be successful. (that doesn’t work for everyone— i’m so grateful it worked for me) i got married [kinda] young & we’ve lived in a basement for 21 of the 23 months we’ve been married (also awesome). we haven’t been able to have babies as quickly as we would have liked & then we got a puppy.
“look out ‘cause here i come & i’m marchin’ on to the beat i drum. i’m not scared to be seen, i make no apologies; this is me.”
if you’re marching to the beat of your own drum, keep marching. it’s okay to hear the negative things people say— take them into consideration & then do your thing. do what makes you happy; even if that means swimming against the current a little bit. stick up for yourself. trust your gut. pray a lot. be brave because bruises don’t last forever.
“i wont let them break me down to dust, i know that there’s a place for us... when the sharpest words wanna cut me down— i’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown ‘em out. i am brave, i am bruised, i am who i’m meant to be; this is me. look out ‘cause here i come. and i’m marching on to the beat i drum. i’m not scared to be seen, i make no apologies, this is me.”
photos by ALICE SHOOTS PEOPLE for SHOP BEIGE